From the “WomAn to WomEn” Series by Apostle Lady Dr. Diana Gray
In this great time of the #MeToo Movement, ladies, I will implore you to please remember the MEN. My sisters, please let us remember that there are still “Good Men”. While I would never and could never dream of taking away from, diluting, or even so much as to dampen the Spirits of the women who have undoubtedly suffered unimaginable, inhumane, vile and disgusting atrocities, that robbed many of us of our innocence as young girls and our dignities and self-esteem as we become more matured women. We MUST be very careful not to get so caught up, that we overlook the “Good Men” that have noble intentions.
While we are seeking to change the trajectory of how females are being treated today, and while we are casting a much-needed spotlight on the blatant sexual harassment and molestation of Women and Girls, I dare say that we must be cognizant of the fact that there are still and have always been men among us that are good, and that have been loving, supportive and protective of us.
The fact is that men can easily be part of the infamous #MeToo Movement, as in “MEN HAVE ALSO BEEN VICTIMS OF SEXUAL ASSAULTS AND HARASSMENT”.
In my research, I found a plethora of cases where men were sexually harassed, sexually assaulted and even raped. Often times by women, which made these atrocities even more difficult and challenging to deal with. Men are more likely to remain silent and suffer in isolation from sexual attack and misconduct than women, simply because of the shame and stigma that are likely to materialize. We in society are not used to, nor mentally trained, or emotionally equipped to recognize such behavior as immoral, wrong and even criminal in some cases. Society often questions the fact that a man can actually be RAPED in the first place. The real truth is that in the same way that women can orgasm and conceive during a rape so too can men can get aroused and full erections during a Rape.
Indeed, the Human Body is an intriguing and complex Biological Enigma, capable of remarkable things. Moreover, Rape does not always include violence… More times than not, it includes some type of drugs or coercion. Human Beings have no control over how the body will react to sexual stimulation.
~Anonymous male in the workplace reported: ‘When I was an IT intern at 22, I worked with a middle aged woman who would constantly harass me. If I was fixing her computer, she’d say stuff like “while you’re down there…” She would do this at company outings too, and it made me incredibly uncomfortable. I didn’t do anything except laugh uncomfortably and try to avoid her at every opportunity.’
~Another user recounted a chillingly similar tale, saying: ‘I was on my knees fixing a door handle. Some of the women walked by and said, “That’s where men need to be.” I did nothing, but I knew had the situation been reversed, I would have lost my job.’
~Another wrote: ‘I got groped at a bar once by a 30-something year old lady. Like full on palmed my crotch. Before that she kept asking to feel my arms, I declined and moved away from her and she followed me. She ran up to me as I was collecting glasses and shoved her hand down my trousers. She also had very long and very sharp nails. I remember her screaming “But you’re a man!!” when I told her to leave the building before I called the police. The rest of the party turned on me and called me every homophobic name under the sun and left.’
~Raskoln1kov recalled a similar experience. He said: ‘Was at a bar in New Orleans a few months ago when a waitress randomly grabbed my D (over the pants) because she “wanted to know what I was working with”. I just laughed but I can’t even imagine this happening if genders were reversed.’
Clockworkblk agreed, saying: ‘Yep working in a bar as a male leaves you pretty damn open to sexual assault/harassment. Lots of random groping/hugs/kisses etc. on a very regular basis.’
The truth of the matter is that when a female reports a rape, or some type of sexual misconduct, even when questioned to the point of “victim shaming”, often times, she is eventually believed. However, when it is a male that would dare to cry out, almost the exact opposite is what he is met with. Can we say “Double Standard”?
What I am proposing my sisters, is that in the same way that we are now standing our ground for ourselves and expecting men stand alongside us, defending our virtue and our honor, let us also STAND WITH OUR MEN. Let us show them that in this #MeToo Movement, we can also say #MenToo. Let us love and support them thru the shame, confusion and traumatizing ordeal. Ladies, let us take a stand for our men…letting them know that we believe them and we support them through every step, much in the same way we are expecting and needing their love and support…Let us also love and support them through their trauma and ordeal as well.
I find that one very disturbing fact is that society as a whole is quite comfortable with the stats. Approximately forty percent of the victims of domestic and sexual abuse are men. However, the startling reality is that there are almost no resources, shelters, outreach or crisis centers. Instead, what our men are often met with are things such as…
~Men cannot be raped or sexually assaulted.
~Men who say they were molested or raped by women are lying, and moreover, they enjoyed it.
~Men gets slapped by a woman because he upset or hurt her first, however, reverse the roles and it is immediately a case of ABUSE. The fact of the matter is “Abuse is ABUSE” no matter the gender.
~Men who have been abused by their female partners “started it” or “aggravated her”.
Finally, one of the most common insults to our men has been a staple in society for centuries…that real men needs to be tough and unemotional.
Facts are that any form of sexual assault is indeed a sin against God Almighty because it is a vile and despicable act against His most sacred creation, us Human Beings, which are “Fearfully and Wonderfully” made in His image. In fact, there is biblical evidence that points out that to commit an act of sexual assault of anyone male or female is deeply traumatizing and may result in the total emotional and psychological devastation of the victim. This act is a direct abomination to God and is punishable by death (Deuteronomy 22:22-29).
Of course, I would be irresponsible and remised in all of this if I did not point out the fact that so many assault and harassment cases are indeed false claims. And that, YES, YES, YES, men make false claims just as much as women do. Therefore, in all matters, wisdom, patience, and understanding along with empathy, compassion and fairness must be at the forefront at all times.
We must strive to develop a type of understanding that not every action is to be considered sexual harassment under the law.
This applies to ALL GENDERS, even the Transgender, that because a male or female, or a member of the opposite sex, compliments you or propositions you, DOES NOT AN ASSAULT OR HARASSMENT CASE MAKE. And just because someone has a photo you might deem inappropriate on his or her computer, or tells an off-color joke in the office, doesn’t mean you should be running to your Human Resource Department or the local Police Station to file an official report that may ruin an innocent person’s life and career. In all things use caution and wisdom.
I pray that God Almighty will grant us all, MEN and WOMEN alike, the wisdom, courage, understanding, discernment and Grace to be not only sympathetic but also empathetic towards each other. May God Bless Us All Greatly.